I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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