Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
