Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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