look no pants
Your tits are I can't wait for
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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