my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
