worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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