I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
