no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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