so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
