and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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