Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
