Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
