I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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