one two three fourrrrnication!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
