I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
