College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
