I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
