I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
