i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's official drugs can't kill me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
