That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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