White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
