does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
