Barsexuality is the new black.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
