I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
