look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I want to be your penis for a week.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
