If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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