Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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