my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
