Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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