fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
