So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
