and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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