The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
