peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
