I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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