the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
