I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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