i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
