Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
