I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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