so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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