When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You left your phone here
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