I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
