Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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