Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
