I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
