I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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