shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sext me about skeletons
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
