I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
