Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
