We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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