So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This is the high leading the old right now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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