So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
