Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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