then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it because I queefed?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
