I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I enjoy the company of your penis
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
