Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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