wakey wakey hands off snakey
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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