im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
