i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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