come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
