When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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