I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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