he looks like a really good dad on facebook
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
