somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
